{in the middle of my little mess i forget how big I'm blessed}

{spiderwebs}

::a couple weeks back now i did an activity with my women's cell group that has stuck with me. i truly believe it is something everyone can relate to and struggles with.::

we all have struggles, things we deal with on daily basis. they are the things we fear, the things we think, the things we feel. we all deal with our faults everyday, many of us multiple times a day. i am guilty of judging and i know i do it without thinking at least 3 times a day. we have struggles. we struggle with relationships with others, we struggle with ourselves and we struggle with God. we are human and we struggle.

the problem with so many of us and our struggle is we don't deal with them. we don't face them. we let them rule over our lives. we walk around dealing with these battles, some of us feeling ashamed of them, others being angry. we feel like we are the only ones that deal with such things- that the person next to us at church, bible study or in school is so put together they could never deal with such things- FALSE. that is lie #1. the truth of the matter is that so many of the people around you deal with the same struggles/battles/fears. we live in a society where you are taught to show your good side, the facade that is all put together, but underneath it all i believe we are all very similar. many of us struggle with the same things everyday and we do not realize it because so many of us are also afraid to talk about them.

the saddest part about all of these struggles we deal with is the control they have over our lives. by living in our struggles- intentionally or not- we let them define us. along with judging i struggle with acceptance. my entire life i have strived for acceptance, always trying to please by parents to win their acceptance- getting straight A's to feel like i was the daughter they wanted. even with friends i always wanted to be the person everyone liked. this struggle and fear of acceptance has rolled over into my relationship with Jesus. I find myself striving for his acceptance over and over again when deep down i know it isn't necessary. but this is what i mean by control. our struggles become our 'truth' or what we believe to be our 'truth'/what defines us. this is lie #2. our struggles are not what defines us. the lies we believe are not the way we are meant to think or act. we are not called to be sinners or unrighteous people, we are called to be beloved, perfect children. we are not defined in God's eyes by what we struggle with.

but then why do we believe them? why do we let them control who we think we are?

what we forget is we are not in this alone.

we all deal with many of the same struggles on some level. we are not alone. we are connected more than we ever thought. if we were to physically connect our struggles to the ones others have that we deal with as well, we would find it makes a messy spiderweb.

{'What they trust in is fragile; what they rely on is a spider web. They lean on the web, but it gives way; they cling to it, but it does not hold.' Job 8:14-15}

we believe in our faults, our doubts, our fears. they become our truth.  like a spiderweb 

is strong and catches things. we get caught in the mess of it all, in letting it rule our lives and define who we are. alone we can try to defeat it but we do not have much luck. 

a spiderweb is strong. those strings that connect one person's struggle to the next is strong. together with other we can break the web of doubts. if we were more open about our faults and fears with the people around us who we love we could find the real truth of who we are meant to be. we cannot do it alone and nor are we called to. these things we trust in are not what we are meant to rely on. we may revert back to them just as i fall back into striving for acceptance but time and time again it gives way, because what i let define me is a spiderweb of lies.

i believe many of us believe in a similar messy spiderweb of lies. we forget how strong it can be, both in it's hold on us and how strong it can connect us to each other. if we let it become a bond between us we could break through the chains that weight us down, that hold us back from our true potential.

what holds you back? what do you struggle with? what do you let define you? is it acceptance, judgement, jealousy,perfectionism, loving others, loving yourself, failure, mercy...?

none of those are your 'truths'. the truth is you are BELOVED.

{who is like God?}

i've been bless beyond belief. let me just start with that.

i have had so many influential important people in my life. people that have helped shape who i have become. without these people i literally do not know how i would function.

a handful of these people are the ones i call my other mothers. and yes i have multiple ones. but there is one in particular that this blog is about. there is one that has been placed on my heart. the one i'm meant to influence, to change her life.

this women means the world to me. she is someone i want to literally call 'mom' someday, and i want my children to call her 'grandma' or 'nona'. she never was able to become a mother herself but she has such a motherly heart and i want her to have what she couldn't. i want her to experience the things she didn't think she ever could.

i love this women and this is what scares me about my call on her life. i am afraid that i may screw up and somehow end up losing her all together. i would rather stay here on this comfortable level where i love her but at a distance, not to the point where i have to actually follow where i am being lead.

i'm scared to take a risk. not only am i called to tell this women about how much Jesus loves her but i really feel i am called to pray healing over her body from the sickness she has within her. as if telling her that Jesus loves her wasn't enough to scare me i now have to explain that He loves her so much He wants to heal her! she is going to think i'm crazy!

but what scares me the most is i'm more scared about what happens if i don't get over my own fear... what happens if i don't follow the call that has been placed on my heart?

the thing is i love this second mother so much that i shouldn't be worried about rejection or losing her i should care and worry about missing the opportunity to change her life, for her to really know Jesus. and when it comes down to it i do. but like so many of us human's it's simply the hardest to really love the ones we love. we are already emotionally attached and comfortable. we don't want to rock the boat or send crashing waves through a calm sea. we are afraid to step out of the comfort zone.

the title of this blog is {who is like God} because that is the meaning of her name... and really who is like God? it is so hard to be like him, He loves everyone and does not worry if people reject him. He loves them even if that means they won't love him in return. i think its suiting for her name to mean this. i'm called to be like God in her life... to love her enough for her to know the love of God, to not worry about rejection.

this is my struggle. learning to love someone you already love. to take the risks and the chances. it may be small steps here and there but to slowly learn to follow the call that has been place on my heart. to listen when the spirit leads me.

i know with all my heart i don't want to let this opportunity pass. i want to have the courage, strength and compassion to change this women's life.

i've been blessed beyond belief and i want her to know why. i want to love her so she can know and experience how much Jesus loves her as well. i want to be like God for her, an example of who He really is. i want to bravely take the chance and follow my calling.

"become a river not a reservoir. be a part of the movement."

{the ultimate gift}

it is fall. that time of year again where my nerves are always on high along with my emotions and my head hurts at least every other day... it's that time for school again. i go through the same freak out routine every year as i get used to the new workload and everything else that is changing in my life. this year has been the same on many levels but on others different. this year is going to be different.

last year was a huge struggle for me. starting pharmacy school (aka grad school) and a job in a pharmacy as well as other extracurricular activities my life was crazy. after a month in i was ready to be done. i was depressed and hated my life. i had no time for me, no time for the people around me or the ones i really loved. i felt disconnected and discouraged. and it was all because i was trying to do it all perfectly. i was striving for the best... and i was coming up short, very short. i was sinking fast. it was a rough first semester.

but things began to change. i realized i was struggling because i was trying to do everything myself. i was trying to prove that i could succeed in life. after trying, failing, picking myself up, trying again and failing again. until i finally wasn't able to pick myself up again. i had hit rock bottom. it was then i realized i left Jesus on my nightstand. i left Him in my bible. i didn't take him with me throughout my day. instead i carried the weight of everything with me, everywhere. i needed freedom and i needed love. i not only had left Jesus but i had left the most important people around me as well, the people i needed to fill me up, love me and support me.

but the good news in this sad story is that when you hit bottom there is no where else to go but up. and even better is that even though i left Jesus behind, He never left me.

He never left me!

my life slowly began to make a turn for the better. key word slowly. it was still a rough year but i slowly began to shed the weight of everything i was carrying. i began to learn what freedom meant for me and what it looked like. my heart was being transformed from all the lies it has started to believe about myself and my life. i started to claim my identity as a daughter. a loved one. i still struggled with feeling loved and trying to earn it and i still do today but i began to realize how much pressure i was putting on myself for no reason.

the amazing thing is that Jesus uses our failures to make us strong. He provides even in our darkest moments. He doesn't care that i failed. that i left Him on the nightstand. that i doubted His abilities. He was there last year through it all.

so this fall is different. this fall i'm receiving the ultimate gift. the gift of forgiveness, of acceptance even in my failures. i'm not going to say my life is perfect yet, i have a long way to go and every once in awhile i feel myself sinking again. but this time, this year is different. this year i am aware of Jesus around me and where He is providing for me. this year my heart is changing. i am moving forward. i'm learning to take time for me. and time to be with the people in my life that matter the most. the ones that reminded me of how loved i am.

this fall i'm accepting my failures. because Jesus uses failures, he doesn't use quitters. and i'm not quitting yet. there is so much goodness to come. this year i can tell is going to be different, i'm declaring it.

{lovely}

{because love is a little crazy}

i would give the world to spend the day with these girls again. to laugh. to cry. to act like i knew what they were talking about in amharic.

love comes in all colors. love comes in all different shapes. love is not only here but there.

love is... a little crazy

{family}

it's days like today that remind me of what love really looks like. days spent with family.

growing up i thought of family as a mom and a dad, with older/younger brothers and sisters. family was the group of people that lived in your house, that you were related to through blood, marriage or adoption. today my view on family is a little different. today i sat at a dinner table with my family where no one to either side of me or across from me was biologically related to me, but they were and are my family. today my family is the people i love. and the people that love me back. they are the ones on the sidelines of my life cheering me on and lending a helping hand when needed. they are the ones that i know will always be there no matter what.

tonight i spent the evening with my family. sitting at the table with those women was the best part of summer so far. i left on a cloud and even still feel completely full. full of love and belonging. as i sit and reflect on my amazing day and evening i realize this is what love really looks like. those women are the best example of what love is. i used to think love was between two people, that it was for the lucky that could really find the love of their lives, that it was what a mother felt for her children... but it is soo much more. love is what connects us all. love is what gives each of us purpose and freedom. love is what makes a family. without love these people in my life would be nothing but people.

i really could not ask for much more. and right now i do not feel like i need anything more. i have a family, more than one even. i have people in my life that mean the world to me. people that i cherish with all my heart. people that are truly blessings sent from God. a family, as simple as it may seem is spectacular and tonight i am very thankful for the family i have received. i have a family, a family built on love.

someone said to me the other day and it is so true- home isn't where a house is it is where your family is. tonight i was at home.

{my heart and desires}

i wouldn't normally do this. post a paper that i wrote for a class. i'm not posting it because it's the best writing i've every done... it's actually far from that. i'm posting this because it's my heart and desire. as you will read later if you make it through the entire paper after spending spring break in St. Louis and 5 weeks in Ethiopia last summer my heart has really changed.

i have been wanting to do a diabetes concentration for a while and have been unsure of what i want to end up doing with my PharmD degree. God keeps revealing to me my heart and desires as i continue to ask what the future holds. i have known for a while that i have a heart for impoverished and underprivileged populations but just in the last couple months He has reaffirmed it through the things i'm learning in class and integrated pharmacy hours i get to do at a free clinic this summer.

i know all these desires may change. next year i could want to do something totally different with my career. but for now this is my heart and so i figured i'd share it. this is the love i have...

The losing streak of Diabetes in impoverished communities

According to the Center of Disease Control and prevention the prevalence rate of obesity in the United States is to be estimated at 30% or higher.¹ This is an alarming percentage due to the fact that obesity is one of the largest risk factors for the developing type II diabetes. Diabetes has become a wide spread disease among Americans and it has not shown any signs of improvement in the past couple years. Obesity is not the only risk factor for type II diabetes, environmental and socioeconomic factors such as living in an impoverished neighborhood can contribute to an individual’s likelihood of developing the disease.² Many of these communities experience a high rate of obesity and diabetes due to lack of access to health care. Typically these communities are made up of a higher percentage of racial minority individuals who are at or below poverty level, such as Hispanics. Persons classified within these communities do not have adequate health insurance or resources available to be able to be educated on health issues such as diabetes. A larger percentage of these populations are unaware of their risks of diabetes or how to accurately treat their disease due to the limited health care available to them. The risks associated with minority populations and diabetes is a growing issue especially in larger cities where most of these minority-impoverished communities are located.

Solving the issue of the increased incidence of diabetes in impoverished communities is not an easy fix. As mentioned before many of these communities lack the resources to be able to provide health care while at the same time they have the highest prevalence rates of diabetes. For adults 20 years or older an estimated 25.6 million people have diabetes. Of that 25.6 million, 12.6% are non-Hispanic black, 11.8% are Hispanic and 7.1% are non-Hispanic whites.³ That is a minimum of 4.7% difference between the white population and the racial minority populations. Further analysis of these statistics shows that for every one non-Hispanic white diagnosed with diabetes (majority) roughly 1.6 Hispanics (minority) are diagnosed as well. These statistics do not take into account the immeasurable percentage of the minority population that is undiagnosed.

Reaching the underprivileged and undiagnosed diabetes is the major issue health care providers are facing. With the passing of the universal health care reform one would assume that this would help improve the available of care for these patients however there are still barriers to overcome. The universal health care bill will provide all individual insurance and access to a health care facility which could help ease the burden of payments for the minority populations who do not currently have insurance. However, access to care is not the only issue that is keeping patients from care. Many of the minority impoverished populations are not receiving adequate care due to cultural and class barriers that result in individuals choosing against health care. A study by the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality (AHRQ) found that diabetic Hispanics did not receive health care for their condition due to financial barriers as well as reluctance to place ones medical needs above family members, distrust in therapy options and a preference of traditional remedies.⁴ Providing financial means for these individuals in only a small portion of what is causing the discrepancies and inequalities in care.

The largest road block for both the minority populations as well as the health care providers is the lack of education. The issue at hand is not a one sided fix; both sides are facing similar issues and are unaware as to how to fix them. The large incidence of diabetes in the Hispanic population, diagnosed and undiagnosed, is not solely their fault. Many of these Hispanic populations lack the education that is necessary to overcome their barriers or to understand the importance of diabetes and their risk. Insufficient education is a result of health care professionals being undereducated on interacting with minority populations. To be able to change an individual’s perspective we must first be able to understand it. It is crucial for health care providers to be able to understand the effects of race and poverty so they are able to identify the barriers the population may be facing and determine the cause of them. To perpetuate change in perspectives and eliminating barriers health care providers should move toward distinguishing social, environmental, and behavioral factors that are malleable.⁵ Setting out to completely amend barriers that are causing inequality is not the answer; understanding and working directly with patients in these populations is the key.

Pharmacists as health care providers can contribute substantially to the effort of reaching the minority and impoverished populations. Pharmacists are readily available to the public and therefore are more accessible. Since pharmacists are more available to the public there is more patient interactions that occur. Pharmacists have the opportunity to work with patients in some situations on a more personal level. Due to all of these reasons there should be more pharmacist involvement in dealing with diabetes in minority populations. More programs such as the Ten City Challenge should be established where pharmacists work directly with patients with diabetes as “coaches”.⁶ Breaking down the medical provider-patient relationship and building a more coach-player relationship could be more beneficial. The coach-player relationship is more familiar to more individuals and seems to provide less distance in ranking between the patient and provider. The coach role implies the provider is there to work directly with the patient involving them in their treatment, not just evaluating and then prescribing a change. Implementing this type of program in minority communities would help loosen some of the barriers faced in treating these patients. When working in these minority populations pharmacists and other health care providers face the challenge of varying the way they provide care to these communities to be most culturally sensitive. Focusing more on the coaching patient, providers are able to identify more with patients and customizing their care provided to the patients becomes easier.

As a future pharmacist I hope to step outside the typical pharmacist role and work more directly with patients. My desire for my career is to work in the inner city with minority and impoverished populations specifically focus on treating and educating on diabetes. I want to break the mold of what a pharmacist should look like and do. There is a demand for pharmacist everywhere but for me the area we are needed most is the areas we are not already in. pharmacy is changing and I want to be apart of that change in a new way. As a pharmacist I want to take advantage of the opportunity to affect the growth of diabetes in minority populations. It is a complex issue but I know someone has to start somewhere to begin the battle.

Diabetes has hit close to home in the past couple of years. After watching my father being diagnosed with diabetes and struggle with lifestyle changes I have a stronger desire to help individuals battling diabetes. Serving the impoverished in the United States and abroad has also made me more aware of the real issues individuals in underprivileged communities are facing. I have learned through watching my father battle with his disease how a pharmacist can play a crucial role in helping patients with diabetes. Not only do we have the expertise in the medications that are available to patients but more importantly we are there to work directly with patient, supporting them, to improve their therapy and outcomes. I hope to someday be that support for a population that does not receive enough of it or in the right way. I want to be able to relate to and understand the patients in the inner city who are typically overlooked. To be able to build relationships with my patients and move toward a more coach-like persona I think it is important to live in the neighborhood where you work and serve. Working and living in the inner city will help me to establish a relatable understanding of what my patients are living with on day to day bases. I also believe that living in their communities will help eliminate the class barriers between myself and patients, allowing for a more trust worthy relationship to be built. After serving in the inner city of the Unites States and in third world Africa my eyes have been opened to the needs of individuals who are not receiving adequate care. My awareness of diabetes and the needs of racial minorities have lead to my desire to partake in establishing health care facilities to provide care for diabetes in impoverished neighborhoods.

{people watching}

i could spend hours people watching. i love watching peoples facial expressions when they talk to their loved ones, new acquaintances, business partners or simply just the person standing next to them in line.

as i sit here at Panera attempting to study i can't help but drift off every so often mesmerized by the individuals around me. its so fascinating to me how everyone can be so different, yet the same. we are all humans and need similar things, food, shelter and in one way or another we need love and attention. we go about our daily lives in many different ways. the person next to me right now probably sits in an office, the lady behind me might be a stay at home mom whose children are in school right now, and then there is me... a college student. though we all do different things and react differently we are all human and have been created by the greatest creator, to experience life.

experience life!? that is what we are created for. but what does that mean? what does that look like? can you experience life through someone else? am i experiencing life through the people i am sitting here watching? lately i've been realizing how intricate and delicate our lives really are. i think we take advantage of them too often. we take advantage of our health and our family and/or friends. we have been created with such amazing functions that we don't remember to be thankful for them until they stop working; until we have lost them. the time we spend with the people we love and care for is just as important. we shouldn't wait to realize they really mean something until its too late and they are gone. we need to open our eyes and love.

i guess as sit here people watching i'm learning how love has a lot of different manifestations. it is not just the romantic mushy gooey stuff we read about in romantic novels or see in movies. love comes in a variety of flavors just like we do. we are all unique. it makes me think of the little ball that toddlers play with that has all the different shape holes and you have to find the right shaped piece for it to fit inside the ball. we are all the different shaped holes that require different shaped love. you can't fit the square piece in the circle. we all require something that is unique to us. its crazy, how love can change specifically for each and everyone of us. it shows how much our Father must love us. for His love to come in so many forms as to satisfy each and everyone of us is beyond belief!

today i am going to be thankful for the love around me. for the ways each person i know shows their love and the ways it speaks to my own soul. i am going to be thankful for the people i have in my life. for the ones that i couldn't live without to the ones that frustrate me from time to time. i am going to be thankful for their life and their differences. i am going to be thankful for my health and not stop praying for the health of others. i am thankful for variety, differences and uniqueness... for the great LOVE our heavenly Father has for us to make each and everyone of us so intricately!

i love people watching, and seeing the heart of the Father all around me, in his creations.

{favorite things}

first watch/listen { http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33o32C0ogVM }

today, i think i'm going to take julie andrews advice and think of my favorite things. you should too.

i think we get caught up too often in the things that aren't going 'right' for us. we unconsciously put up our blinders. our blinders are things that do exactly as their name says, they blind us from seeing things. i always think about the things they put on horses on the side of their eyes so they have no peripheral vision. we put on our version of those blinders daily, without even realizing it.

i'll be the first to admit, i'm guilt of putting my blinders on frequently. especially lately. i've simply been down in the dumps over multiple things. and to make matters worse i've been focusing on that-the things that haven't been going the 'right' way. i haven't taken the time to take my blinders off and see the good things around me, the blessings within my 'crap'.

i was sitting here working on my homework when this song came through my pandora playlist and it made me stop. thats exactly what i need to do. i need to think of my favorite things and then i wont feel so bad. i know its cheesy. but seriously. imagine if we thought of our favorite things whenever we got upset, frightened, angry, sad or any emotion besides happy. our outlook on the situations we are in would be completely different. it might be exactly what we need to do to take down our blinders.

this is my goal for the rest of the week. or my motto. to think of a few of my favorite things. to find the things in the midst of my mess that i love. i'm going to be deliberate about bringing light into my darkness. to take down my blinders and see the full picture. no more tunnel vision. i want to see the kingdom of heaven and all its beauty raining down around me.

i'm off to find a few of my favorite things, and so should you.

{a light in the city}

one of my manifest spiritual gifts is missionary, and for the last 6 days i have been learning what that means for my life.

when people normally think of missionaries they think of the people that are over in Africa in a 3rd world country. we never think of right here in our own homes/neighborhood/cities.

i'll admit it myself. that is what i think of when i hear of someone being a missionary, or i think of a staff of a christian fellowship. i never think of myself or even the people i live with, or go to church with as missionaries. spending a week in st. louis on an InterVarsity urban project called "City Lights" changed this way of thinking for me.

i learned that i can be a missionary everyday right here in my own home, in my own neighborhood, at my own school and in my own city. City Lights has motivated me to be the light of Jesus in my city. i want to reach out to my neighbors and step out of the safety bubble we have all formed around Drake University. there are people right on the other side of the street that need someone to listen to their story. just listen.

i don't want to live here in this city without really living in it anymore. i don't want to go to a community church without the church or myself really being involved and apart of the community. i saw and heard of so many people moving into the rough neighborhoods in st. louis to become part of the community that their church was located in. why is it that i'm not doing the same?

this past week pulled at my heart strings and made me really question why we are so afraid of reaching out to our neighbors? is it because their skin is a different color than ours? or is it because they live in a house that is considered 'crap' to us? it even made me think why my chapter of InterVarsity after learning about the crazy love of Jesus these past 6 weeks isn't out there in our own 'Drake' neighborhood sharing that love?

as isaiah 58 says 6-8 & 9-10:

loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free

and break every yoke?

⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—

when you see the naked, to clothe them,

and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn...

...If you do away with the yoke of oppression,

with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry

and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,

then your light will rise in the darkness

this is what we are called to do! so then why are we not getting off our butts and doing it? what are we so afraid of? what is holding us back?

i don't know about you but i'm ready for this. i'm ready to break the chains of oppression, to feed the hungry and clothe the naked. i'm ready to share what i have because we as the people of the Lord, are called to do this. what we have isn't even ours, so why are we trying to hoard it? as a wise man once said 'we must lay down our lives for something, we are all going to die, so what are you going to lay yours down for... your car? education? or for the needy and the call of the Lord?'

City Lights opened my eyes to see what the heart of God looks like. it showed me what truly living out the gospel means. thats what i want for my life. i want to be a reflection of the heart of God. i don't want my bible to just be a book i carry, i want it to be the story of my life.

im ready to be the light in this city!

{fill me up}

this may be a bit weird. but i'm going to blog about my new cup.

[yes, to you it may not look like much, but i seriously love this cup right now.]

i seem to go through phases, where i get a new cup or water bottle and i love them. you could even go to the extent that i become obsessed with using it. for example my new blue Drake Pharmacy and Health Science cup, i've only had the cup for about a day and since the moment it was washed it hasn't left my side. pathetic i know. before it was my via water bottle. there is something about these water bottles/cups that makes me enjoy drinking water. i think i've downed a good 8 cups full of water in the last 24hours. but the desire to use these water containers fades. eventually i wont drink as much water, the new excitement of using my cup or bottle will fade.

the love for my new water cup is much like my love for Jesus. it seems that whenever i have a new encounter or experience i am thirsty for more. my heart desires more. things seem to realign and life seems good. i want to run and find more of Him and His love in my life.

i fall in love with Jesus all over again just like i love a new cup. i want to be in his presence just like i want to use my cup all the time. overtime though my desire for more becomes less. my thirst dries up. my need for my cup is still there. much like my via water bottle, i have to have it with me in class or at work, but i don't desire to drink from it constantly. this is exactly how my relationship with Jesus is. i love Him with everything for a period of time, wanting more and more of His presence. but soon that love loses its strength. i still need Him like i need my water bottle to be around. He is still apart of me, always there. however, i seem to only use Him when i really need something. its just like how i use my water bottle -i fill it up every morning so i will have water when i need it throughout the day. i depend on Jesus like i depend on my water bottle. simply put it isn't right. i 'use' Him and thats not what this relationship is about. my love for Him should be unlike any other love i contain. i should love Him with everything all the time.

did you know that when you are thirsty it means you are already dehydrated?

i'm thirsty for more of Him after i have an encounter with Him because i am dehydrated. i don't ask to be filled up every day. i go on empty way too often. i carry Jesus around with me like my water bottle and not much more. i want to be thirsty always. this doesn't align with my medical brain to want to be thirsty and dehydrated always, but in the spiritual sense it make all the sense in the world. we should be thirsty daily because no matter what we have or experience there is always more. we can never be fully satisfied or saturated, and thats okay. thats the whole point. we get to experience more, an abundant amount more. we get pieces of the fullness of heaven here and now. we will never be completely full until the day we come face to face with our loving creator in heaven.

its when we settle with what we have, with our lives, and our relationships, that we lose our thirst for more. i don't know about you, but i don't want that anymore. i want to continue to be thirsty. i want to desire more and search for it. i want to wake up every morning and before i even hit the ground running from one thing to the next i want to asked to be filled up and be thirsty all day long at the same time. and at the end of the day i want to be satisfied yet ready for more the next day. i want a clear mind and eyes to see the newness of Jesus everyday. i want to experience Him daily so that He will be like my new cup every morning!

i want to be filled. filled to the rim. and then more so that i can overflow!

{beautifully broken}

i want this blog to be about truth.

i want it to challenge me to see the 'good' things in my life. to stop focusing on what isn't going right, or worrying about the worst thing that could happen.

i want a reason to praise every moment of the day.

i want to search for love and find what it looks like for me.

i want to learn the truth of who i am and the purpose i hold.

i don't want to settle anymore with my life. i'm done saying 'this is just how my life is going to be'. i want something more... i want [LOVE].

i want to experience love and share it.

i want to see the beautiful things in my life, in the midst of all the broken chaos.

i want to be beautifully broken!

{lessons of love}

its crazy what your heart can miss the most.

its crazy where you learn what [love] really looks like.

these girls are what i miss the most today. spending 5 weeks with them changed my life. its taken me 6 months to realize it, but they showed me what [love] really looks like.

its crazy how your heart changes.

its crazy how it is always hungry for more!