{yellow house girls #lovemypeople}

aka. my study table girls.

I wish I had more time with each of these girls. And I wish we would have become better friends sooner, but I am still so thankful for each of them and the impact they have had on my life. I am thankful for even the period of time we have been able to spend together.

I am so thankful for yellow house, even in it's smelly state, and all the great memories we have shared together there, studying, eating, taking naps and watching Gilmore Girls. It makes me sad to think there will no longer be time spent between classes on my spot on the couch.

Writing this blog post is hard for me. Part of me knows that our goodbyes are coming soon and apart of me is in denial that in a just a short couple of days our lives are going to change drastically. It is even harder for me because these girls have become my best friends. They are the ones that have been there through the rough and the tough of school. The ones that have celebrated accomplishments with me and helped ease the hard times. These girls make me laugh like no one else can make me laugh. It is around them that I feel comfortable to be completely me, free from all judgement. But I also know it is these 3 will tell me the hard truth if I ever needed to hear it. It is hard for me to think about the future without these girls always present since they are such a large part of my life and who I am now.

{meron}

I am so thankful for this beautiful girl. For her joy and even for her weirdness.

I have absolutely loved every moment I have been able to spend getting to know Meron. And though it has taken us longer than it should have to become friends I am so grateful for her presence in my life. She has become one of my bestest friends. I do not know what I would do without her. I can only hope that no matter where live takes us in our journeys that we will always be apart of each others lives. I hope she knows how much she means to me and how much she has shaped who I have become. Living life with Meron over the last couple years has truly been the time of my life.

To my dearest Meron,

I hope someday that you are able to see the amazing beautiful Meron that I see when I see you. And I hope that you are successful in all that you do- in which I have no doubts that you will be. I pray that wherever life takes you that you will continue to find happiness, joy and peace. That you will never lose your spunk. I also hope you know that I will always be here for you if and when you need me, and that no matter where life takes us you will always be apart of me and have a special place in my heart. Thank you for making college "one of the best times of my life"! I honestly don't know what I would do without you! I love you lots, mom, more than you know! Thank you for simply being you and being such an amazing blessing in my life.

{emily}

I am so thankful for this little whitey. Emily never ceases to amaze me. I used to think she was a quiet little girl and oh have I learned a whole new side of her. I am blessed to call Emily one of my best friends. I am thankful for the almost unspeakable amount of food that we have consumed together during study tables over the last couple years. I am thankful for all the laughter we have shared and the times we have spent living life together.

To Miss Emily,

oh where do I start? First off, I am so thankful that someone else has just as many or more shoes than I do! But on a serious note now, I am so extremely grateful for the time I have spent with you. I can only look forward to many more times in the future even if they are fewer and far between. I know without a doubt that the future hold so many good things for you and I cannot wait to watch you shine as a pharmacist someday. I hope that you will be happy in all that you do. And that no matter how near or far we may end up I will always be there for you! I am so excited for all that your future holds for you! May you always be blessed as you have been a blessing to me. Thank you for everything. Love you, Emily!

{Andrea}

aka. Drell.

I wish I had a picture with this wonderful girl, but going through stuff I realized I have no pictures with just here. Even still Andrea has been an amazing friend over the last couple years. We have shared so many good memories together, laughing, studying and even at times crying. I am so thankful to be able to share life with her and for the impact she has made on my life.

To Drell,

I know you do not like your nickname and I apologize for addressing you as it, but it would not be the same if I did not call you Drell. I want you to know that you are an amazing woman. I hope that you will find happiness in Minnesota someday, since I know that is where you will be. I look forward to watching you continue to grow as your future unravels before you. I know God has great plans for your life and I am excited to be on your sidelines cheering you on. I am so thankful for your life and the ways in which our paths have crossed. You will always be apart of me and I hope you know I will always be here for you. Thank you for being such a good friend. Love you, Drell! 

I love each one of these girl, and am so thankful to be able to share life with them. I have been blessed with a community that has helped me to grow. These girls will forever have a place in my heart because without them I know I would not be who I am today. For that I will forever be grateful for their lives. I feel extremely blessed by such wonderful friends. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for their lives. As our time together comes to a quick finish and as much as I dread the day we say goodbye, I know that it will never be an official goodbye since these girls have become apart of me and will be with me wherever I go. The tears I shed as I write this are tears of joy over the time I have been able to spend with each of these girls and tears of sadness as this time in our life is coming to a close.

Here is to my study table girls who are more than my study buddies.  

May your futures be bright, and your worries be light on the road ahead.
#lovemypeople

{Emily #lovemypeople)

I have typed and deleted, typed and deleted, and repeated a couple more times trying to figure out how to even start to begin to tell you about my best friend, Emily. It is difficult for me to put into words how much my time spent with Emily over the last 5 years has meant to me. It brings tears to my eyes as I write to think about what the future may hold for us. They are tears of joy and sadness; joy and excitement for I know without a doubt that so much more awaits us in our futures but also tears of sadness over the thought that those times may not be shared with each other physically.

Just the other night the two of us sat in my living room talking about our lives since freshman year up until today, 5 whole years later. We talked about how we are the same and how we are different,; how we have grown and how we have changed. I know as I look back on my time spent at Drake that it would not have been the same without Emily. She has not only has become my best friend over the years; she has become more like my sister. I cannot imagine life without her.

Emily and I have trudged through the trenches of life together, taking curve balls as they are thrown at us.  We have gone through so much together in the last 5 years I can’t even begin to try and recall everything. But through it all Emily has been by my side. We have seen the best and the worst of each other. Shared in each other’s sorrows, pains, and defeats. We have celebrated life together, shared joys and accomplishments. We have encouraged and supported one another. Been there to dry tears and laughed hysterically about absolutely nothing. We have worshipped together and given ourselves to those in need together. We hold each other accountable and are there to guide each other when we need assistance or are a rock for each other when we need somewhere to lean.  

Emily has been there for me through so much. She has been there for the probable gallons of tears that I have cried over the years. Supporting and encouraged me in everything I do. She has been blunt and rational when I become irrational or caught up. She has been my dose of reality when I need it.  

Like any sister or best friend Emily and I have had our differences over the years but I can only say they have brought us closer. She has become my other half. The person I tell everything to, and I mean everything! The person who can make me laugh until I’m crying, my stomach hurts and I’m on the verge of wetting my pants.

As we prepare to both start rotations in just over a week I know that even with the distance Emily will always be apart of me. It has been my time living life with her that I have grown the most, and learned who I am created to be. We have honestly LIVED life together. I can only hope that someday if I ever have a daughter that she will have a best friend like Emily- one that she can learn from and grow with, someone she can laugh with and cry with, someone who she can learn who Jesus is from, and someone to encourage her and love her no matter what.

I am so proud of who Emily has become through the years. It has been an amazing journey to watch her transform and grow, but what makes me even more excited is to see where life will take her. And no matter where that may be, I hope she knows that I will always be with her, cheering her on, and there for her when she needs me.

__________________________________________________________

When you're the best of friends,
Having so much fun together,
You're not even aware you're such a funny pair,
You're the best of friends.

When you're the best of friends,
Sharing all that you discover,
When these moments have passed,
Will that friendship last?
Who can't say there's a way?
Oh I hope,
I hope it never ends,
Cause you're the best of friends.

_____________________________________________________________

I will forever cherish my time physically living life with Emily. And even as these moments pass I know I am blessed to have such an amazing person to be able to share life with for even a period of time.

Here is to my best friend, my other half, the one who knows me better than anyone else, Emily.

I love you SO much, and always will!

 #lovemypeople

From here...

till there... wherever that is, and everywhere in between.

{family #lovemypeople}

My family is the start of my people.  #lovemypeople

Though I haven't lived with them for years now, without them I wouldn't be who I am now.

It seems like just yesterday we were packing up a trailer full of my crap for college and now here I am packing up my room 5 years later getting ready for the next adventure of rotations. Little did my father know when he wrote me a letter titled "Courtney's journey" on the day I left for college what my journey would all entail. His little girl grew up fast, jetting off to 3rd world countries, purchasing her first house at the age of 19 and so much more. But my journey would have never happened if it weren't for their support and encouragement.

I know they have questioned me at times and we've had our disagreements but through it all even in their doubts they have been on the sidelines cheering me on. I never would have become the independent strong willed woman I have become without them. They are apart of me and I am blessed with the gifts they have given me. I wouldn't have survived college or being a homeowner without my fathers sense of priorities, perseverance and resourcefulness along with my mother's creativeness and people skills.

Even now, with hundreds of miles between us and even as I continue to grow up, my family will always be my people. They are the ones that make me laugh and listen when I need to cry. They support me as I attempt to take on what sometimes feels like the world, and in some cases it is as I leave for another country for extended periods of time.

I am thankful for them allowing the sky to be my limit. For giving me space to grow and to learn who I am. For loving me and backing me up even when they didn't agree with or understand my choices. I am so thankful that even through the rough patches in life they will continue to be my number 1 fans.

Here is to my family.

#lovemypeople

{#lovemypeople}

As the end of my college (classroom) career comes to an end and a year of new adventures on rotations draws nearer I have come to realize how much around me I will miss. I’ve found myself clinging to the comfortable and holding onto every moment I have with those around me.

Preparing for this transition has been mentally and physically draining but I have also found peace and fulfillment in being able to reflect on how my life has changed over the last 5 years (crazy to admit). Those last 5 years have been a crazy whirlwind of ups and downs, laughter and tears, frights and excitements, disappointments and celebrations, ends and new beginnings. And even through it all I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world! It has been in these past years that I have grown the most, learning who I am and where I fit in the world. I have had my eyes opened with experiences in 3^rd world countries and wished to shut them with many losses of loved one.

But looking back on my time at Drake it is not the infinite amount of knowledge I have learned or the places I have gone that have changed me the most, though those are large players in who I am now, it has been the people in my life.

 It is the people I have been able to share life with that have helped me to receive the most out of my time at college and have taught me the most about myself.

It is these people that I will miss the most.

It is these people that I cling to as I count down the days until we separate for periods of time.

It is these people I find myself being thankful for each night as I lay in bed.

It is these people I already miss, as I know I will miss them more as the unknown future destinations draw closer.

So in light of my reflecting, as I lay in bed being thankful for my people, overwhelmed with so many blessings, I have decided to dedicate the next couple blog posts to these important people. To share with you how each of them have a special place in my heart.

Here is to my people who have shared life and grown with me and showed me what love really looks like. #lovemypeople

{lives create stories & stories come from living.}

i promised stories from haiti. so here are my stories. i am not going to tell you all about exactly what i did because i honestly could write my little heart out and ramble on and i do not want to bore you all. plus the most important things i want to tell you about are the people i met. looking back on the trip it wasn't the things i did or the events that occurred that made my time in haiti amazing, it was the people i encountered in those situations.

so here are my stories, or rather their stories. that collectively represent my time spent in a country that has forever impacted my life.

1. {Bob and Gretchen DeVoe}

[Gretchen with the pharmacy girls at the clinic]

this is where it all began. without these two incredible people my trip wouldn't not have happened. Bob and Gretchen are the founders of Lifeline Christian Mission, which is the organization i worked with. it is through these two individuals saying yes to the call Jesus put on their lives that Lifeline is able to serve the people of Haiti, as well as Honduras, Cuba and many more areas. their story is amazing. but as they would say, it is not their story it is God's story. they are an example of the power of prayer and how God's glory shines when we align our lives with his plan and timing. the courage these two have and the servant hearts that manifest their bodies radiates the goodness of God. the work they have done and the way they love the Lord and his people touched my life. ordinary people doing extraordinary things by simply having the courage to say "yes" time and time again. i can only pray that someday i can have the strength they had and still have. the work they continue to do encourages me knowing that when we are in tune with the plans God has for our lives He blesses in abundance.

2. {Bertie (Zwazo- creole for bird) }

[Bertie and I]

oh where to begin. this woman became what i call my Haitian grand-mere. she is Gretchen's sister. and the heart this woman has is enormous. i truly believe the connection i had with Bertie was all because of Jesus. i truly believe the love i had for the Haitian people was even stronger because of the way Bertie and Gretchen loved them. Bertie is a spunky old women with a heart of gold. still at her age of 75, she is down in Haiti for a month at a time serving the Lord and loving His people as her own. Even back in the US she works in the Lifeline wearhouse packaging containers to be sent down to help with the outreaches Lifeline does for new expectant mothers, clothing for children that need it, infant nutrition services, etc. i admire this woman's desire to serve the Lord. the way she doesn't allow her age, pain etc stop her from doing His work amazes me. Bertie was always putting others first, caring for their needs, and praying her heart out for God's people. i loved watching her worship the Lord not only in church services but in every aspect of her life. i am a blessed woman to have such a beautiful haitian grand-mere on the inside and out.

3. {"the girls"}

["the girls": Leslie, me, Maureen, Erin, Brittany]

these are my "girls", the pharmacy quintuplets. i am blessed beyond belief to be able to share the experiences i had in Haiti with these lovely ladies. we came to Haiti to serve the Lord together and love His people and we left having done just that. but we also left having loved one another. the way these women love the Lord and their desire to serve Him is inspirational. i pray they will continue to do the work of the Lord throughout their lives. i know they have shown me how the Lord can use our gifts as pharmacy students and in the future as pharmacists to further His kingdom.

4. {infant}

 the story of the infant in the clinic. this poor child broke me heart. this infant was so malnourished. she was dying before my eyes. there was nothing to her but skin and bones. her skin was like leather and just draped over her bones. her skull was sunken in from dehydration. and the odor she eminated was beyond explainable. her eyes were all crusted over and she would open her mouth like she was attempting to cry but no sound would escape as though it required too much energy to make a sound. this little girl broke my heart.
she made me aware of the needs of the children here in haiti. for the education parents need about how to nourish their children, even the simple thing of breastfeeding the child right away and not waiting. but as easy as it sounds to tell parents they need to feed their children it brings up a whole other issue of so many of them not being able to physically provide these necessities for their children. i can't tell you the countless children i saw that needed more food, iron, protein etc. in this baby's case she was given a bottle and formula, and by the grace of God she had a strong suckle and took the bottle. she has the chance to survive if her mother is able to continue to provide for her. all i can do now is pray. for her and the many children that they will live strong healthy lives and the Lord will protect them and provide for them.

5. {mountain children}

one of my favorite times in haiti was when we climbed the mountain. it was breathtakingly beautiful. with the mountains to one side and the ocean to the other. but it isn't the gorgeous view that i want to tell you about, i want to tell you about the people i shared my time on the mountain with. i want to tell you about the children of the mountain.
while walking up the mountain we passed many houses scattered here and there. many of them had small children running around them, laughing playing or doing "chores". as the children spotted us they would shyly wave or bravely make their way to the path to touch our hands. as our walk continued we were joined by many children who would come up next to us and take hold of our hand and walk with us on our journey. they would smile up at us content to be in our presence. but the part that broke my heart was the littleness these children had. about 90% of them did not have shoes and the path we walked on was a combination of gravel and large sharp rocks. many of them also did not have clothing, running free, not even ashamed of their nakedness. at first it was all i could do not to swing a child between myself and a teammate just to watch him smile and see the joy on his face. but my heart was not always this joyful. i found myself getting annoyed that these children wanted to hold my hand at all times. that they were dirty. i was being selfish. conceited. all these children needed was love. yes, they needed more than that, they needed clothing, food and shelter but their deepest desire that day on the mountain was to be loved. to have someone hold their hand, give them attention and show them love! if for those brief moments i would have stepped out of myself and looked at the children as the children of God and not as the dirty naked mountain children, my perception of the situation would have been very different by the end. i may not have gotten frustrated with them and instead been able to give the love i am capable of giving. because in reality we are all naked and it is Jesus that clothes us with His righteousness. at the end of that day i was as naked as those children.

there are some of the stories. the people who have changed my life.

{shift}

i lay in bed. close my eyes and try to hold on to the memories. i try and gasp what seems to be slipping away from me quicker than i had anticipated. i inhale and slowly listen to the air escape my lungs. it makes me think of the small child who had an expiratory wheeze that could be heard through my stethoscope pressed ever so gently against his chest.

it's only been 48 hours since i've been home and already i can feel the difference.

at times i feel like i am walking around unaware of what to do next. there is a list of thing to do but instead i find myself looking at the clock and thinking of what i would be doing in Haiti at that very time. or i flip through the pictures again on my camera.

the memories are slipping, slowly they will become a blur. but something else has changed. shifted.
something inside me longs not only for the memories, the people, the places, it longs for trust i had. it longs to experience more of what love really looks like. it longs to understand this shift in my understanding of who i am created to be. it longs to understand the shift that has occurred within me.

the memories will slip. become a blur. but they will always represent a change of heart. a piece of me.

i lay in bed. close my eyes and try to hold on to the memories. i try to grasp what this shift means and where it will take me. i inhale and slowly release my attempts to figure things out. i inhale again and release my control.

{Haiti}

less than 24 hours. thats it. and i will no longer be in the U.S.

after almost a year ago committing to go on this trip i cannot believe that it is actually here.

my bags are all packed. my list for the roomies is finished. the school work is taken care of.

in 12 hours my flight will leave from Des Moines and i will be off to Port au Prince, Haiti for 10 days.

i cannot wait to go love on the haitian's! while there i get to have the opportunity to work in a clinic and use my medical background while furthering His kingdom. i have been toying with the idea for some time this year on how i am going to use my career in pharmacy and my heart for people and Jesus together. this trip is my opportunity to see the two passions of my life to come together.

i hope this trip shows me ways i can use both of these things for my future.

i am looking forward to meeting my team in the morning, since i have not met anyone besides my roommate. i am excited to find out where i am staying while in Haiti. i am excited to meet the people in the clinic and be able to help them with their needs.

mostly, i am excited to meet and love God's people in another country, and to see His love in the brokeness of one of the world's poorest countries.

so as a finish up my last minute packing and the little things left on my list i pray for safety for my trip. for relationships with my team and with the people i meet.  i pray for Jesus presence in all i do and over all the lives i encounter. i ask the holy spirit to show me where He is working everyday in everyway.

as i wake every morning while there i want this to be the song of my heart.

i am not sure about what kind of internet access i will have while there. but if possible i will update you all on the trip.

thank you all for the support, prayer, and love.

until next time.

many blessing!

courtney