Sunday, October 23, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
{spiderwebs}
::a couple weeks back now i did an activity with my women's cell group that has stuck with me. i truly believe it is something everyone can relate to and struggles with.::
we all have struggles, things we deal with on daily basis. they are the things we fear, the things we think, the things we feel. we all deal with our faults everyday, many of us multiple times a day. i am guilty of judging and i know i do it without thinking at least 3 times a day. we have struggles. we struggle with relationships with others, we struggle with ourselves and we struggle with God. we are human and we struggle.
the problem with so many of us and our struggle is we don't deal with them. we don't face them. we let them rule over our lives. we walk around dealing with these battles, some of us feeling ashamed of them, others being angry. we feel like we are the only ones that deal with such things- that the person next to us at church, bible study or in school is so put together they could never deal with such things- FALSE. that is lie #1. the truth of the matter is that so many of the people around you deal with the same struggles/battles/fears. we live in a society where you are taught to show your good side, the facade that is all put together, but underneath it all i believe we are all very similar. many of us struggle with the same things everyday and we do not realize it because so many of us are also afraid to talk about them.
the saddest part about all of these struggles we deal with is the control they have over our lives. by living in our struggles- intentionally or not- we let them define us. along with judging i struggle with acceptance. my entire life i have strived for acceptance, always trying to please by parents to win their acceptance- getting straight A's to feel like i was the daughter they wanted. even with friends i always wanted to be the person everyone liked. this struggle and fear of acceptance has rolled over into my relationship with Jesus. I find myself striving for his acceptance over and over again when deep down i know it isn't necessary. but this is what i mean by control. our struggles become our 'truth' or what we believe to be our 'truth'/what defines us. this is lie #2. our struggles are not what defines us. the lies we believe are not the way we are meant to think or act. we are not called to be sinners or unrighteous people, we are called to be beloved, perfect children. we are not defined in God's eyes by what we struggle with.
but then why do we believe them? why do we let them control who we think we are?
what we forget is we are not in this alone.
we all deal with many of the same struggles on some level. we are not alone. we are connected more than we ever thought. if we were to physically connect our struggles to the ones others have that we deal with as well, we would find it makes a messy spiderweb.
{'What they trust in is fragile; what they rely on is a spider web. They lean on the web, but it gives way; they cling to it, but it does not hold.' Job 8:14-15}
we all have struggles, things we deal with on daily basis. they are the things we fear, the things we think, the things we feel. we all deal with our faults everyday, many of us multiple times a day. i am guilty of judging and i know i do it without thinking at least 3 times a day. we have struggles. we struggle with relationships with others, we struggle with ourselves and we struggle with God. we are human and we struggle.
the problem with so many of us and our struggle is we don't deal with them. we don't face them. we let them rule over our lives. we walk around dealing with these battles, some of us feeling ashamed of them, others being angry. we feel like we are the only ones that deal with such things- that the person next to us at church, bible study or in school is so put together they could never deal with such things- FALSE. that is lie #1. the truth of the matter is that so many of the people around you deal with the same struggles/battles/fears. we live in a society where you are taught to show your good side, the facade that is all put together, but underneath it all i believe we are all very similar. many of us struggle with the same things everyday and we do not realize it because so many of us are also afraid to talk about them.
the saddest part about all of these struggles we deal with is the control they have over our lives. by living in our struggles- intentionally or not- we let them define us. along with judging i struggle with acceptance. my entire life i have strived for acceptance, always trying to please by parents to win their acceptance- getting straight A's to feel like i was the daughter they wanted. even with friends i always wanted to be the person everyone liked. this struggle and fear of acceptance has rolled over into my relationship with Jesus. I find myself striving for his acceptance over and over again when deep down i know it isn't necessary. but this is what i mean by control. our struggles become our 'truth' or what we believe to be our 'truth'/what defines us. this is lie #2. our struggles are not what defines us. the lies we believe are not the way we are meant to think or act. we are not called to be sinners or unrighteous people, we are called to be beloved, perfect children. we are not defined in God's eyes by what we struggle with.
but then why do we believe them? why do we let them control who we think we are?
what we forget is we are not in this alone.
we all deal with many of the same struggles on some level. we are not alone. we are connected more than we ever thought. if we were to physically connect our struggles to the ones others have that we deal with as well, we would find it makes a messy spiderweb.
{'What they trust in is fragile; what they rely on is a spider web. They lean on the web, but it gives way; they cling to it, but it does not hold.' Job 8:14-15}
we believe in our faults, our
doubts, our fears. they become our truth. like a spiderweb
is strong
and catches things. we get caught in the mess of it all, in letting it
rule our lives and define who we are. alone we can try to defeat it but we do
not have much luck.
a spiderweb is strong. those
strings that connect one person's struggle to the next is strong. together with
other we can break the web of doubts. if we were more open about our faults and
fears with the people around us who we love we could find the real truth of who
we are meant to be. we cannot do it alone and nor are we called to. these
things we trust in are not what we are meant to rely on. we may revert back to
them just as i fall back into striving for acceptance but time and time again
it gives way, because what i let define me is a spiderweb of lies.
i believe many of us believe
in a similar messy spiderweb of lies. we forget how strong it can be, both in
it's hold on us and how strong it can connect us to each other. if we let it become a bond between us we could break
through the chains that weight us down, that hold us back from our true
potential.
what holds you back? what do
you struggle with? what do you let define you? is it acceptance, judgement,
jealousy,perfectionism, loving others, loving yourself, failure, mercy...?
none of those are your 'truths'. the truth is
you are BELOVED.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
{who is like God?}
i've been bless beyond belief. let me just start with that.
i have had so many influential important people in my life. people that have helped shape who i have become. without these people i literally do not know how i would function.
a handful of these people are the ones i call my other mothers. and yes i have multiple ones. but there is one in particular that this blog is about. there is one that has been placed on my heart. the one i'm meant to influence, to change her life.
this women means the world to me. she is someone i want to literally call 'mom' someday, and i want my children to call her 'grandma' or 'nona'. she never was able to become a mother herself but she has such a motherly heart and i want her to have what she couldn't. i want her to experience the things she didn't think she ever could.
i love this women and this is what scares me about my call on her life. i am afraid that i may screw up and somehow end up losing her all together. i would rather stay here on this comfortable level where i love her but at a distance, not to the point where i have to actually follow where i am being lead.
i'm scared to take a risk. not only am i called to tell this women about how much Jesus loves her but i really feel i am called to pray healing over her body from the sickness she has within her. as if telling her that Jesus loves her wasn't enough to scare me i now have to explain that He loves her so much He wants to heal her! she is going to think i'm crazy!
but what scares me the most is i'm more scared about what happens if i don't get over my own fear... what happens if i don't follow the call that has been placed on my heart?
the thing is i love this second mother so much that i shouldn't be worried about rejection or losing her i should care and worry about missing the opportunity to change her life, for her to really know Jesus. and when it comes down to it i do. but like so many of us human's it's simply the hardest to really love the ones we love. we are already emotionally attached and comfortable. we don't want to rock the boat or send crashing waves through a calm sea. we are afraid to step out of the comfort zone.
the title of this blog is {who is like God} because that is the meaning of her name... and really who is like God? it is so hard to be like him, He loves everyone and does not worry if people reject him. He loves them even if that means they won't love him in return. i think its suiting for her name to mean this. i'm called to be like God in her life... to love her enough for her to know the love of God, to not worry about rejection.
this is my struggle. learning to love someone you already love. to take the risks and the chances. it may be small steps here and there but to slowly learn to follow the call that has been place on my heart. to listen when the spirit leads me.
i know with all my heart i don't want to let this opportunity pass. i want to have the courage, strength and compassion to change this women's life.
i've been blessed beyond belief and i want her to know why. i want to love her so she can know and experience how much Jesus loves her as well. i want to be like God for her, an example of who He really is. i want to bravely take the chance and follow my calling.
i have had so many influential important people in my life. people that have helped shape who i have become. without these people i literally do not know how i would function.
a handful of these people are the ones i call my other mothers. and yes i have multiple ones. but there is one in particular that this blog is about. there is one that has been placed on my heart. the one i'm meant to influence, to change her life.
this women means the world to me. she is someone i want to literally call 'mom' someday, and i want my children to call her 'grandma' or 'nona'. she never was able to become a mother herself but she has such a motherly heart and i want her to have what she couldn't. i want her to experience the things she didn't think she ever could.
i love this women and this is what scares me about my call on her life. i am afraid that i may screw up and somehow end up losing her all together. i would rather stay here on this comfortable level where i love her but at a distance, not to the point where i have to actually follow where i am being lead.
i'm scared to take a risk. not only am i called to tell this women about how much Jesus loves her but i really feel i am called to pray healing over her body from the sickness she has within her. as if telling her that Jesus loves her wasn't enough to scare me i now have to explain that He loves her so much He wants to heal her! she is going to think i'm crazy!
but what scares me the most is i'm more scared about what happens if i don't get over my own fear... what happens if i don't follow the call that has been placed on my heart?
the thing is i love this second mother so much that i shouldn't be worried about rejection or losing her i should care and worry about missing the opportunity to change her life, for her to really know Jesus. and when it comes down to it i do. but like so many of us human's it's simply the hardest to really love the ones we love. we are already emotionally attached and comfortable. we don't want to rock the boat or send crashing waves through a calm sea. we are afraid to step out of the comfort zone.
the title of this blog is {who is like God} because that is the meaning of her name... and really who is like God? it is so hard to be like him, He loves everyone and does not worry if people reject him. He loves them even if that means they won't love him in return. i think its suiting for her name to mean this. i'm called to be like God in her life... to love her enough for her to know the love of God, to not worry about rejection.
this is my struggle. learning to love someone you already love. to take the risks and the chances. it may be small steps here and there but to slowly learn to follow the call that has been place on my heart. to listen when the spirit leads me.
i know with all my heart i don't want to let this opportunity pass. i want to have the courage, strength and compassion to change this women's life.
i've been blessed beyond belief and i want her to know why. i want to love her so she can know and experience how much Jesus loves her as well. i want to be like God for her, an example of who He really is. i want to bravely take the chance and follow my calling.
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