{journey of love}

I started this blog almost 6 years ago as a way to document my journey through this winding road of life in search of what love really looked like. 

It's been a crazy adventure these past years and I never imagined the love I know today would look the way it does. 

My blog has never been to impress, gather followers, or make something or myself. It's been my heart on the line, my way to work through things and challenge myself. To embrace vulnerability and be real. It has simply been about learning about what love truly looks like and how it continues to shape the person I am today. 

I cannot distinctly describe to you what love truly looks like. It's ever changing. I cannot pin it down to one specific person, place or thing. One word, phrase, song, or moment. The love I've experienced is transforming. 

Love doesn't look like the beautiful souls I've met in numerous countries, family members, friends, partners, coworkers or neighbors. Breathtaking views, difficult seasons or life giving moments.  Love is an elaborate collection of all these things, a unique mosaic of life. 

Love is a connection. I've learned love defies all boundaries and is above all. Love is what we are created of. For the love we are given is beyond any other. It's unconditional. 

Love is our purpose. Love is not simply an affection, it is the reason we get up ever day and live. It gave us life and sustains it. 

I may not have all the answers and my view of love may differ from others. The love we all encounter and give may look and feel different. But that doesn't mean one is right or wrong. I'm not here to judge, or discern if your love is "correct". I'm here to love, and that's what I intend to keep on doing, truthfully and vulnerably.  

My journey to find what love looks like isn't over and I believe it never will be.  I cannot fit my love in a box, in a blank space, or even in one blog post. My love is much bigger than that, and for that I am gratefully blessed. For the love I have, know, witnessed, given and receive is beyond anything I could have imagine. 

{embrace}

As the ringing of the New Year has begun to fade, like the sent of fresh pine from a once crisp Christmas tree, the excitement has settled, just as the confetti has.  The thrill for many of a new beginning has dissipated into the grind of every day life. With resolutions quickly muffled by the overpowering tasks accumulating on our to-do lists.

While for others, however, the resolutions made, the one or two of maybe a handful have stuck. The New Year is their canvas, blank page, a fresh start and they are still riding the horse tall and proud, determined to make the long journey ahead.

I’d have to place myself in the in between. To me, the New Year resembled another week, with the open offer to start anew. And while I’ve mentally formulated resolutions for myself in the coming year, what has truly enveloped my motivations for 2015 was choosing my word for the year. A word to define the next 365, well at this point 360, days of this year.

Coming to my word was not simple. I did not shuffle through Barnes and Noble in pursuit of one of the remaining printed dictionaries, to quickly open to an arbitrary page and with my eyes squeezed shut, point to a word. Unfortunately, it was much less adventitious. It was a process. A process of great thought and quiet prayers.

In contrast to the flimsy resolutions I attempt each year I desired for this year to amount to something. To focus less on the results of what I so desperately wanted and more on the formation. I spent time pondering who I wanted to be and what I wanted to receive from this year, instead of what I could change. I faced my weaknesses, determining if I was brave enough to define the days to come by them with confidence. The word ‘acceptance’ was suggested to me, which left a sour taste in my mouth, as I was not going to simply accept what 2015 held. To me acceptance felt like a shade of gray, indifferent, distant and as if I was settling. I wasn’t about to settle. If anything, my word needed to challenge my deepest being and bring definition and purpose to my days. I toyed with ‘present’ and contemplated ‘confidence’ and ultimately all these avenues led me to ‘embrace’.

So there it is, my word: embrace

I want to become the person who not only accepts what 2015 has to offer but embraces it. To embrace what I am given, the circumstances, the opportunities, the investments and endeavors; the difficult decisions, and the challenges, to allow each to mold me into a stronger person.

To embrace the celebrations, excitement and simple joys each day brings.

I want to embrace the Holy Spirits work in my life, the plans God has for me, and the unknowns of trusting in Him.

I want to embrace the person I am right here and now, not who I only wish to become. To embrace my weaknesses and shortcomings, using them to empower my growth as an individual instead of tear me apart.

I want to embrace my imperfections and in doing so find the beauty behind the brokenness.

To embrace each day, being present in the moments.

So, as life swiftly picks back up where it left off and I too begin to feel the anticipation lingering in the air begin to thin, I embrace the yet to come and the potential for so much more. 

I hope you too embrace all 2015 brings for you.

{pray it forward #blessed}

One of my best friends declares a word for each year. For example one year it was 'wonder'. It is usually something she spendings time praying about and listening to God for. My #blessed challenge has become my version of declaring a word for a period of time.

I began this challenge because I find myself from time to time walking away from a situation or ending my day thinking of how truly 'blessed' I am. And other times I am so caught up in my stress and all the busy minutes of life I miss those moments. However, there are events like today's #blessed moment(s) when you are hit in the face with the blessings of your life; when the word 'blessed' is literally verbally spoken.

It was another manic monday... oh wait it's thursday... another crazy week where I feel like I am working to the end of my limits to stay afloat with waves crashing in from all sides. Continuing to make 'lists' upon to-do lists. But today, I broke down and let the enemy win my exhausted battle. In that moment of defeat however, there was a light at the end of the tunnel- someone to stand behind me continuing to fight for me and speak truth into my darkness- reminding me that this life I live is not my own and I was created for greatness. That I am loved even in my imperfections. Not only did this person have my back, she called out the lies I was letting run wild. I've learned it is in some of our lowest moments when there isn't much else to grasp onto that we are able to experience God's grace more fully. As I was a tearful puddle in the embrace of my comrade, who spoke directly to my heart, reminding me to 'not forget how blessed I am that the Lord brings greatness even in our weakness', I was washed over with a settling peace. My troubles did not disappear and my angst about my lists did not dissolve but I knew in that moment that the grace of God was enough.

But the holy spirit did not stop there. I was reminded again of the #blessed life I live, and how even when I feel inadequate and incapable of my own struggles I am able to comfort another's. I was leaving work, heading straight for my car with my phone to my ear, letting the amount of work I had to accomplish tonight soak in with a deep sigh. Completely enveloped in my own hole full of struggles when I walked past a woman sitting on one of the benches outside the hospital. I gave a quick smirk to which I was replied with a slight raise of the corner of her mouth. But what caught me off guard was the stream of tears that ran down her cheeks. At first I continued to walk, thinking 'what did I have to give this woman?'- I was a mess myself. I made it about halfway to my car before I pivoted in my stride and made my way back to her. I knew I needed people in my moments of loss and defeat, even earlier that day, and how much it meant to simply have someone stop and ask if there was anything they could do. So, that is exactly what I did. I walked up and sat down next to her saying 'I'm sorry I couldn't walk away leaving you crying on a bench. Are you okay? and is there anything I can do to help?' a million things raced through my head- she could have lost her husband or a child, then what would I say?... The moment I finished my short apologetic offer tears began to stream down her cheeks as she held her tissue to the bridge of her nose. She explained her husband was in open heart surgery and her daughter and son-in-law were inside. She had simply come out to get some air and that she didn't need anything but was thankful for my offer. I rubbed her back and soothed this woman, whose name I didn't even know. As she leaned in to hug me and I said the words I always think in my head, but rarely left slip off my tongue without thinking, "can I pray for you right now?". She shook her head yes as she silently sobbed. I prayed a simple prayer of peace over her and her daughter who had arrived at the scene and for provision during her husbands surgery and recovery. It wasn't an earth shattering prayer. But with my amen she turned to me and said how much of a blessing I was.

I walked away from the bench thinking how sometimes our #blessed moments in life are not only the things that raise us up, make us feel good or change our lives. Sometimes the #blessed moments come from being the blessing, in making even the smallest difference in someone else's. I was able to have experience both #blessed moments today and was able to pray it forward.

May you always be the blessings and forever be blessed.

{30 days of being #blessed}

{barefoot run #blessed}

This morning I went for a run on the beach. I love that I live on the coast and have a 10min drive to the beach. I got there early so the breeze was still cool. It was overcast on the way there. However, the sun began to peak through the clouds as I made my way down the beach. Running on the beach is difficult but it was worth it as my bare feet hit the high-tide packed sand with an even rhythm, kicking up a little sand behind me and splashing through the waves as the tide periodically encroached upon my route. It was a peaceful morning to reflect on my week and relieve some of my stress, letting my worry and frustrations be washed out to sea with the tide as it washed in and out with the waves.

{30 days of being #blessed}

{miss jo jo #blessed}

No matter where I travel I am always blessed by some amazing people, and my transplant to NC has not been any different.

One of my blessings this week has been a coworker, Jo. I am thankful for this woman's presence in my life. For her caring heart, listening ears, encouraging talks and prayers. Her contagious laugh along with her heart of gold makes even the worst days have a little glimmer. And her sparkling blue eyes and smile make you feel at home.

I am grateful for her putting things back into prospective for me this week and for helping me take some time to relax this weekend.

I cannot forget to mention how thankful I am for her big loving hugs. I can't remember the last good hug I have had since leaving home. It is amazing how a good hug can make such a difference!

Thank you my dear Jo for being such a reminder of how blessed I am this week.

{30 days of being #blessed}

{a quick text down memory lane #blessed}

I love my Alaskan Mama, for so many reasons but this week she deserves a little shout out as one of my blessings.

With a 4 hour time difference it is difficult to stay in touch and find a good time to call the other person. However, that does not stop this wonderful Mama from sending quick texts every couple of days simply to ask "how are things going?" I love these, as they are reminders that you are cared for and thought of. This week was no different and I was reminded once again of how even at a distance I was thought of and missed. It was a quick text she sent about how she was thinking of one of our adventures we went on while I was in Alaska, a little less than a year ago.

It was one thing to know that even in the middle of her day I am was a thought that crossed her mind but it also allowed us to go down a short memory lane; bringing up memories and soaking in the emotions we shared. It allowed us to share that moment of time with one another and be together even if not physically.

I love this woman for numerous reasons and am blessed by her continual presence, love, support and encouragement in my life, even from such a far distance. It is a blessing to be thought of and I am thankful for the reminders every so often with her 'check ins'.

I love you, Mama Carol, always! xoxo

{30 days of being #blessed}

{Facetime #blessed}

I hate to admit that one of my blessing this week was technology but it is the truth. I love my iPhone and the ability to FaceTime with all of my loved ones back home. I love being able to spend time with 'my people' to ask them about their days and see their expressions as they tell me about all of their exciting adventures. FaceTime has been a blessing allowing me to be present from afar. I was able to FaceTime with a few of my favorite crazy kiddos this week, making faces with them, hearing about the first couple days of school and blowing kisses goodnight as they headed off to bed. It is the little moments like these that remind me how blessed I am to have such amazing people in my life and for the opportunity to stay connected with them in such a unique way- thank you technology and FaceTime!

{30 days of being #blessed}