I’ll be honest, I have been trying to muster up something
inspiring and thought worthy for quite some time now. However, every time I
open up my “new” document to begin to put my thoughts into words I draw a blank
or everything I type doesn’t seem to be what I want and I hit the delete key
with quick fierce poundings of my finger. Listening to the clicks as letters
and words disappear I let out a frustrated huff and puff and chalking it up to
still needing time to process. Pushing the desire to connect and share my
“remarkable” thoughts away until they resurface again, clinging to the hope
that then I will be able to formulate something worthwhile.
So the other day while rummaging through all my stuff- I’d
like to say sift, as that sounds purposeful and organized, however my actions were
more of a rummage as I tore through my very unorganized piles- I came across a
quote I had written down a while back. As I read the quote that nagging desire
I sometimes feel when I know I need to take the time and reflect on my life,
when I have something I truly want to put into words to give people an
invitation to share with me, crept to the surface again. The quote defined for
me what I had been toying with over the last couple of weeks.
It saturated the page in front of me as I read it, causing
me to pause in the midst of my chaos. I had been talking to a friend of mine,
who is going through a very similar transition in life, about our
circumstances. About the unknowns in our futures and about the mixed emotions
we feel as we take the leap of faith towards what lies ahead; knowing we are
following our dreams while leaving so much of what defines us and our comforts
behind. As I offered reassurance all would turn out even better than we could
imagine, I still felt the tug of my heartstrings as I thought of leaving my own
“home”.
As I have been falling short to formulate something worthy
myself to paraphrase my thoughts I am sharing with you all this quote and the
ways in which it has spoken to me, and brought peace to this ache, soothing my
acutely tender heart.
“Home wasn’t a set house, or a single town on a map. It was where the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place but a moment, and then another; building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.”
-Sarah Dessen
I have never been a person good at “goodbyes” or shutting
the door of a chapter in life. I have been given an enormous gift of connection.
And though I cherish my ability to love people and my heart that beats more for
others around me then myself. It is times like now that my tender and malleable
heart makes being brave and leaving so much more difficult.
Although this move makes me feel as though I am being sent
out into the unknowns of life, exposed to the elements, all on my own in a
completely knew environment. I know this is not true, because I have such a
strong “home” that I carry with me everywhere I go.
Even after owning my own home I have learned that “home” for
me has never been the physical four walls that protect me from the wind, rain
and snow. Home for me has always been what is held within those four walls. It
is the love that is shared between people, never a single place or address. My
home will always be the people I love and moments I was able to share life with
them. Home is not something of my past,
only for the present or what I hope to find in my future; it is all of them combined,
as my home is always evolving and will continue to grow. And with each new
addition I add to the building of my home, I create of with people, I find
there is no limit to the size or capacity. I have a sturdy home that I take with
me every step of every day.
God has blessed me with many things in my life but my
people, my home, are things I cannot even begin to express my immense gratitude
for. My building blocks are what define who I am and the person I desire to
become. My home may not be the type you would like to buy with all the smooth
even walls with exactly measured bricks. It is a mosaic of building blocks, of
all different shapes, sizes and colors that come together to create one of the
most beautiful, hopeful, inspiring loving homes I could ever imagine. It is
filled with love and purpose. It is is not confined to a property of land that
I have to pay taxes on or a one particular builder, my home has many
contractors, from all walks of life and areas of the world, and no defining limits
on space. And the best part of my home is the ability of it to go with me
wherever the journey of life takes me.
So, as my soft heart aches with the preparations of leaving
and as tears well up in the corner of my eyes at the thoughts of “goodbyes” I
turn to this quote and find rest and assurance in the perspective of the people
I love going with me, as the foundational building blocks of my home, in the
next steps of life. I may be physically leaving home for a short while, growing
up, following my dreams and taking on my next adventure, but my true home is
and always will be with me, traveling the path of life along side me.
Thank you to all of
you who have been and are the building blocks to my home and foundational
support. I am so EXTREMELY blessed to be able to share life with each and everyone
one of you and loved each of you with such an abundant amount of affection. I
have cherished each moment we have spent together and am immensely grateful for
the ways you sharing in my home with me has helped shape me into the young
women I am today; and has assisted me in growing into the practitioner I dream
of becoming. It is because of you, my home, and my people, that I am able to
follow my dreams and make the path less difficult. For without each an everyone
of you, my home would not be complete, and therefore my life. Each one of you
has a distinct space in my heart, in my home, which allows my life to be a
exuberant and unique, whole and purposeful. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Many love and blessings, C.
